🔗 Share this article

Our friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome numerous hardships, which I admire. Yet, she has been constantly taken by surprise by people. Her spouse left her, which came as a massive blow. Several of her friends disappeared then, since they had been drawn to him. She was stunned by her. She made more effort in our friendship, and must have understood more acutely the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, several close to her have disappeared leaving her sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, although she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened without knowing the reason for the change.

Present Situation

In recent times, we've both stepped back from work leading to more each other more, but I am finding the part I play between us feels one-sided. I start subjects but she shifts the talk toward her own topics. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to suggest double-checking information and different perspectives.

She's been arranging a holiday abroad I have traveled to repeatedly and resided in for a while. My intention was to share advice, yet it was not welcomed. She purely only wanted validation of her decisions. I have come back from four weeks in that place and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to be a friend that walks away without explanation, but I don't think she will ever understand the consequences of her actions on my self-esteem. Currently, my state is avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to end things abruptly, however, that approach is rarely the peaceful resolution that we desire. However, addressing it with a view to a solution takes courage and openness for each of you.

Experts suggest applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining how things go during your discussions. Aim for this to be objective and clear like what a recording device would replay. Step two is to express her how it affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement here. Emotions are valid, naturally. Step three is to question ways you together can shift the pattern in your relationship."

Remember that she also holds perspectives, thus requiring you to stay open to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is to say her:

"Now you talk and I promise to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

This can be successful in fostering better communication.

Closing Considerations

This person might reject everything, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative about themselves they're unable to let go of as it feels essential is tied to it and it represents they trust. It's tough because there's no clear path in such cases, just dead ends. Yet she could at first react this way then consider about what you've said. And even if you don't achieve a fix, it will give you satisfaction from having been honest with her.